with equanimity

 

 

A common statement has been made, everyone has their own problems.

I'm talking about mine today. Parts of it. Things that I've to deal with every single day.

Mother

She loves to sit at home as it was her one and only comfort zone and to fill up her days with the housework even if there's none, she would keep on digging up and tidy up the old junks everyday to keep herself busy. When she's really all done with that she would do her socialisation by making phone calls with friends to have catch-ups, and will only be out for necessary functions like weddings, engagements, immediate family open-house, funerals, hospital visitings and nevertheless, she will travel by car/taxi drove by dad and never can be left alone.

She has her unique ways of handling things which many were unable to handle or follow her ways.

In the process of her digging up the old junks or not-so-old junks(1-week-old item), I am affected. As most mothers do, they would complaint and make assumptions of the things that we bought.

For example, if I bought a tank-top to use it as an undershirt wear, she would assume in a negative way which is to attract boys, rapers or molesters which she would go on and on, drag it to another matter and brought up my old mistakes. Almost everyday nodding and keeping quiet hearing to her hurtful comments at one point or another it will surely be my breaking point.

Never taking it well for her of course, thus, the more she would hurt with words and screams. For twenty- two years, I've been enduring, till now I still am because it happens EVERYDAY.

Waken up by her between 3 to 4 am in the morning just because a used tissue was spotted on the table. Adding on to her rage over a used tissue, she would take out all the clothes from my cupboard and asking me to make it tidy again and add up things that she could say to hurt me. Even though I studied for exams, or project works ending up my night only at 1 or 2 am, I still do it and all I could do is cry.

Sometimes, I wonder if, is she overpowering as of being a mother and am I going to be like her some day?

I told myself, no one is perfect. Maybe that's her flaws. I could be rage in the heart and mind every day listening to her hurtful comments, but life has got to move on. There's no such thing as ending your own life because only god that has the power to take it away. I keep telling myself, I've got good food. I can get good food. I can go to school. I have a laptop and an online journal to pour it out all the rants. Ever wonder the weightage of between your personal/family problems and people having problems for survival like in Africa? I believed, survival needs it more attention than all the problems we had in this developed country and whatever we are facing personally. There's always a way to every problems and learn from it.

After all she is still my mother. And I love her.

Therefore, handle it with equanimity and face it through every problems you ladies and gentlemen had. There's a saying, "There are 101 solutions to every problem."

So let's breathe slow, because

I am gonna breathe slow

Count from one to ten with my eyes closed

'Cause ladies take it in and get composure

Ladies never lose composure

 

Yours sincerely.

a non-fiction

Many years has past. Approximately five years now since I last use an online journal. Maybe, I was naive back then to rant out everything with all kinds of emotions involved. To think about it now, I could still feel the hurt, pain, silliness at times when I was reading them back reminiscing the past. Well, many said, let bygones be bygones.



 Nothing running through my mind when I am sitting by
the balcony enjoying the Indian Ocean view of
Mirage Colombo Hotel in Colombo

Moving on, realizing that not many people now were up for an online journal compared to during my times back then. I thought that I would go back to do this no more but well here I am. Eating up my own words.

As of the above photo, yes at times, how I wish life could  just be peaceful and nothing that needs to be think or thought of. Life, would be peace but boring isn't it? Without the dramas, rush, fear, sadness, pain, life wouldn't be as happening as you grow. Think deep. As much as we wish that we wanted it to be that way, have you ever think that there's always a purpose that god created you here on earth?

Without a scolding from our parents, there's no lesson learnt of the things that you had done wrong. No other than without a fight with your friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, bestfriends, you won't be having as tight or close you are towards your love ones. That completes it as without sadness, there's no happiness. As of now, I'm happy, and treasuring it while I can.


                   


Yours sincerely,

hazyvanderwoodsen.